in memory

01Oct07

i haven’t written anything in a while. i just haven’t been up to it.

matthew is gone. dead. the doctors kept calling him inactive, since legally he had been dead for the last 4 years. i don’t care what the law says. those bastard phobes killed my brother. the cops figured out who it was, too, but they didn’t do a thing, just fined them. said that it was just minor vandalism. boys will be boys. bull@# is what it is. it wasn’t vandalism, like matthew was a car or our window. it was a hate crime. they killed my brother because he was a zom.

i think that’s why i haven’t written anything for a while. i stopped working with the dead-live alliance, too. stepped down as chair, stopped going to meetings. what’s the point, you know? bad enough that matthew was attacked in the first place, but when the cops know who did it, and they don’t do a thing about it… they beat my brother to death. they hurt him so badly that he lost what little function the mobile deceased have. we still know so little about the whole process of zombification, but whatever it is that makes them keep going just couldn’t beat whatever damage was done by those guys. he started to rot, just fell apart. and the worst the law could do was fine them. disgusting. as hard as i’ve worked, and it seems that we’ve barely made any progress in the last 6 years. it used to be that, no matter how bad things got, you could say “at least they’re not killing zoms in the street anymore.” it’s almost funny.

my parents and i are fighting a lot since it happened. they keep trying to convinve me to say involved, saying it’s a way to honor matthew’s memory. i just can’t see the point. they (with the dla) put together a remembrance ceremony/rally in matthew’s honor. it just seemed tacky to me. how can we “honor his memory” when the phobes who killed him (and the people like them) are walking around scot-free. matthew mattered, but it sure doesn’t seem that way. and if he doesn’t matter, none of this does. barely anyone even showed up to the thing, anyway. my parents said thatjust showed how far we have left to go, how much we have left to do. i think it just shows how little we’ve done. how little i’ve done.

i loved my brother, but that’s not enough. i can’t keep fighting when i don’t seem to get anywhere. how can i try so hard for deceased rights when the whole word just keeps telling me that nobody cares? maybe my parents can, but i can’t. i’m sorry matthew.

the newspaper wouldn’t print his obituary.

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Tags: youthful disillusionment, zombie rights